What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
