she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
