Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
