yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
