I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
