Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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