he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
