It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize