Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
