Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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