after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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