She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Mom said you looked used
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
