I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
