the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need to sanitize my soul.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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