First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
