You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
