Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
