So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
