Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
