You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize