I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
