me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
