i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
