Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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