went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am one with the molecules
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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