My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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