things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
