I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
