I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just cropdusted the office
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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