I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize