oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
