i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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