Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
