he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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