For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
