I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
