my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
