is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
