I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize