I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
