I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
