You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
