i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
