Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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