His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
