Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
