I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will be naked everywhere
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
