I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize