I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
