It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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