Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All the doctor said was why
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
