sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
