so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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