she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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