i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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