how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
