put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
