Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
