its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
