Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
