I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
