I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
