I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
