One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
