the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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